Does a Dandie Dinmont Terrier live in your home? Most likely not, because these dogs are hard to come by. If you ever encounter a Dandie Dinmont Terrier, especially a puppy, you’ll be instantly charmed into bringing them home and loving them forever. These fluffy little beasts don’t stop there – they’ll also use their charm to convince you to spend each day and night with them, and may even get you to adopt another, and another. Here’s ten strategies you can use to make sure these walking cotton-balls don’t take over your life:
1. Don’t make eye contact.
The Dandie Dinmont Terrier has the biggest, roundest brown eyes you’ll ever see on a pup so short. Resist the draw to look into them. Just one glance, and you’ll be hypnotized into bringing home one – or two, or ten – of your own. If you ever see a Dandie walking down the street, it’s best to shield your eyes, or, better yet, cross the street to avoid encountering them. Because you know you won’t be able to resist.
2. Never touch that fluffy white afro.
You’ll instantly recognize a Dandie by that classic white afro puff on top of its head. One touch, and you’ll fall in love. That’s why you should never reach down for “just one” pat – that’s all it takes to become hopelessly enamored.
3. Don’t let that bark fool you.
The Dandie has a great big bark that doesn’t quite seem to match that little body. Diabolical. They’re loyal to their family and bark every time a guest comes to the front door, yet they’ll lure you in with that sweet face and become your best friend. Just say, “no.”
4. Don’t let that marshmallow-face con you out of your snack.
These dogs are relentless, using their paws to gently tap you on the leg while you’re eating. Their pupils dilate 500x and they whine ever-so-softly until you’re totally manipulated into giving up your last bite of food. It doesn’t matter if they just ate. They’ll finish everything in their bowl and take you for a sucker for everything you’ve got.
5. Don’t invite a Dandie into your bed.
No matter what you do, no matter how much they beg, do not let this deceptively snuggly dog hop into bed with you at night. One moment, they’re graciously settling down at the foot of the bed, and the next, they’re hogging the pillows, giving you no room on either side of them to lie down. If you allow more than one Dandie to infest your bed, good luck – you’ll be swerving around like a Tetris piece all night, just trying not to get in their way.
6. Never take a Dandie Dinmont Terrier for a walk.
Oh, you wanted to follow the footpath in the park? A Dandie has other plans, leading you on a scenic adventure to the nearest squirrel nest. These dogs were bred as earth dogs, and have never lost their love of chasing innocent rodents. No small animal is safe from harassment when a Dandie is about. Beware!
7. Don’t buy a Dandie new toys.
You might think it’s a good idea to bring a Dandie to a pet store so they can pick out some new toys. You must realize, however, that this dog will not appreciate your gifts, and will tear them apart as soon as you get home. They may keep a favorite toy that they’ll never break, and instead drag around outside until it smells like death.
8. Never give a Dandie a bath.
This may be the only rule that a Dandie would agree with. When you give a Dandie a bath, their fluffy white pompadour will deflate, and they’ll look exactly like a rabid gutter possum. Of course, afterwards, you’ll have to dry and groom them back to their primped appearance, and they’ll show their appreciation by rolling around in fox turds outside soon after.
9. Don’t let your kids play with a Dandie Dinmont Terrier.
One of the worst things about a Dandie is that they’re usually great with kids. That may sound like a good way to entertain your kids and get them exercise, but you won’t realize it until it’s too late – the kids will end up loving the Dandie more than you. A Dandie will claim any nearby human children of their own, and there’s absolutely nothing you can do to stop them, because you can never compete with that waggy tail and that mischievous smile.
10. Don’t give a Dandie your heart.
If you choose to kindly offer a Dandie Dinmont Terrier a piece of your heart, even after you’ve received all of these warnings, do not be surprised if they never, ever give it back. A Dandie will hold onto your heart for the rest of their life, and will never let go of it, even after they pass on.